Do you REALLY hate your job?

Or, do you just hate the stress? Why do you work so hard at a job you hate? Is it because you believe that longer hours will afford you the accolades you seek for a job well done? Is it because you believe that putting in the extra work will secure you that raise or promotion? Is it because you believe it’s expected from you? Is it because you believe the price for your success is stress?

Whatever the reason, many professionals find themselves successful, yet unfulfilled, in jobs they hate. But do they really hate their jobs?

Do they really hate the job they once loved? Or do they just hate the stress, the fatigue, the tough relationships, and the lack of life-balance?

What if I told you it's not your job creating your stress, fatigue, frustration, or lack of life-balance?

What if I told you it's your mind?

You once loved your job, with the same levels of responsibility, volume of work, and relationships. Your job hasn’t changed. Only your thoughts about your job have changed.

When you started this job, you were most likely filled with hope, excitement, challenge, ambition, and aspirations about your future. These emotions were triggered by what you were thinking about your new job.

You were picturing a future that made you feel good. You might have thought, “This opportunity will afford me the salary I need to get that house.”

Hope.

Or, maybe you were thinking, “I’m going to learn so much, teach so much, and really make an impact!”

Excitement.

Or, “I’ve got a lot to learn, and I’m ready! I’m all in.”

Challenge.

You may have been plotting your future career growth, and thinking, “There’s a lot of room for advancement here.”

Ambition.

So, what’s changed? It’s possible that your circumstances have changed. But it’s more likely that the circumstances are the same, and your thoughts have changed.

You might be thinking things like, “They don’t know what I’m up against”, or “I better stay late and get this done, because no one else will do it right”, or, “There’s no way I can meet that deadline”, or maybe, “This is a never-ending grind, and I just can’t do this anymore”.

Same job - different thoughts. 

I have been there. I have thought all those things. I have even changed jobs, just to find myself feeling the same way over time. Why? because we take our thoughts with us, wherever we go.

Let’s unpack this. Let me show you how much power your thoughts have over your results.

When you think things like “They don’t know what I’m up against”, you may feel frustration, annoyance, or anger. You attribute these emotions to the other person’s behaviors, and it can strain the productivity and authenticity of your relationship. In your frustration, you downgrade your connection to them, minimizing communication. 

Your primitive brain is designed to keep you safe. It’s designed to help you avoid negative feelings. It will always give you an option to take the path of least resistance to feeling good, while expending the least amount of energy. Avoidance is usually a well-worn neural pathway to achieve this.

Your primitive brain is telling you that avoiding this person will protect you from negative emotions like frustration. Avoidance might relieve your negative emotions, for a moment, but it does more harm than good. They probably don’t know what you’re up against, if you’re not communicating.

Your original thought set the tone for how you experience your relationship. Your thought made you feel frustrated, and in your frustration, you avoided connection, making your thought, “they don’t know what I’m up against” a reality.

But, what if you could think differently?

What if you could think, “They don’t know what I’m up against, because I haven’t told them about it.” Or, “I haven’t enlisted their cooperation, or collaboration, yet.” Or, “I’m sure if we talked about this, they would understand.” Or, “I should set a meeting to brainstorm.” Do these thoughts evoke different emotions? Hope, maybe?

If you’re thinking you should stay late to do everything yourself, “because no one else will do it right”. How does that make you feel? Isolated? Resentful? When you isolate yourself, you’re not communicating with others. This thought will set the tone for how you’re experiencing your work and your team. Your primitive brain will seek validation to support your thoughts by building evidence that it’s true. But, this is just a thought. It may not be true.

What if you could think the opposite?

What if you could think, “I’m sure they would give it their best, if I would take the time to invest in them, engage them, and teach them what I know.” Would you still feel isolated or resentful? Or, would you feel excited? Remember when you first started this job and you felt excited at the prospect of learning and teaching?

When you believe that you can’t meet a deadline, and feel stress and anxiety, your primitive brain will look for ways for you to feel good now. It’s designed to do this. It will give you the option to engage in distractions that will give you pleasure to mask the pain. 

Activities that buffer against negative emotions – things like eating, drinking, media consumption, retail therapy, and whatever gives you pleasure - may make you feel better in the moment, but they’re time-killers. 

When you think, “I can’t meet that deadline” you may react to your stress by buffering with distractions. Or, you may react by meeting up with a friend to vent about it over a bottle of wine. You think that these actions will relieve your stress. By buffering, you are seeking instant gratification through pleasure, and by venting, your primitive brain is seeking external validation to prove you’re right, and to build evidence to support your original thought.

However, none of these actions will relieve your stress, because your stress is caused by your thought, and you haven’t let go of your thought. In fact, by engaging in these buffering activities, that are time-killers, you’ve diminished the amount of time you have to meet your deadline, bringing your original thought to fruition. The only way to relieve this stress is to change your thinking.

What if you believed you absolutely could meet your deadline? What if you thought, “I’ve done more with less, before. I can do this!”. Would you feel differently? You might feel optimism, determination, confidence, or challenge. These are the feelings that will bring out your best.

And when you think, “this is a never-ending grind”, your primitive brain will go to work building all the evidence you need to prove this is true. But, it’s only true if you believe it’s true.

Remember your mindset on your first day? You had feelings of hope, excitement, challenge, and ambition. These emotions were stirred by your thoughts.

What if I told you that you could feel hope, excitement, challenge and ambition again? What if I told you that you could love your work relationships, know that you could meet your deadlines, and have the life-balance you crave? Would you still hate your job?

If your answer is, “No, I wouldn’t hate my job anymore”, that’s great, because you have the power to love your job again – just by changing your thinking.

Your thoughts are the most powerful tool you have to gain happiness and fulfillment in anything you’re experiencing, and the great news is — you can learn to control your thoughts, which means you have all the power.